Do I Need Couples Counselling? A Psychologist Reflects on What Really Helps

In recent years, couples counselling has become increasingly popular, and that’s not without reason. People are more open to exploring the health of their relationships, and there’s a growing cultural awareness that romantic relationships can—and often do—benefit from intentional reflection and support.

But when it comes to the question, “Do I need couples counselling?”, the answer isn’t always straightforward. In fact, for many people, what looks like a relationship problem may actually have more to do with individual emotional struggles that play out in a relational context.

Relationships as the Meeting of Two Inner Worlds

Every person brings their own life story into a relationship—personal histories, attachment styles, expectations, past hurts, and ways of coping. When two people come together, it’s not just two lives merging, but two inner worlds intersecting. And that can be a rich and beautiful thing. But it can also, at times, feel like an emotional storm.

Much of the relational tension that couples experience is shaped not only by the dynamics between them, but by the emotional patterns each partner has learned over a lifetime. In my work as a psychologist, I often see couples seeking help for relational issues that are, in essence, rooted in individual difficulties—issues that show up in romantic partnerships but are also present in friendships, family relationships, and even work settings.

In these cases, it’s not that the relationship doesn’t matter. It’s just that working through deeper individual challenges—whether that’s anxiety, emotional regulation, attachment wounds, or communication habits—can be a more productive first step than jumping into couples therapy.

When Couples Counselling Might Be Helpful

This isn’t to say that couples counselling doesn’t have its place. It absolutely does. But it’s important to be thoughtful about when it’s likely to be effective.

Couples therapy tends to be most useful when:

• Both partners have already done a significant amount of individual therapeutic work, and there’s an awareness of their own patterns and emotional processes.

• The relational difficulties appear specific to the romantic relationship, rather than being generalised issues each partner faces across all relationships.

• There’s a shared desire to strengthen connection, improve communication, or navigate life changes as a team.

• The couple is facing an acute crisis, such as an affair, a major decision about the future of the relationship, or the possibility of separation, and they would like a safe space to process these issues together.

In these contexts, couples counselling can provide a neutral, structured environment to explore relational dynamics with curiosity, compassion, and skill.

When Individual Therapy Might Be More Appropriate

For others, particularly when:

• One or both partners are navigating unresolved personal issues,

• There’s high emotional reactivity, or

• There’s a pattern of relational difficulties across many types of relationships,

…it may be more beneficial to engage in individual therapy first. Doing this kind of deeper personal work often lays the groundwork for healthier, more resilient relationships in general—including romantic ones.

In some cases, people come to couples counselling hoping that it will “fix” the relationship. But without a solid understanding of their own emotional frameworks, this can be difficult. Emotional maturity, insight, and the capacity to tolerate discomfort—these are often built over time in individual therapy.

A Final Thought

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to relationship support. It’s encouraging to see more people reaching out for help—whether as individuals or couples. But the growing popularity of couples therapy shouldn’t distract from the fact that many relational challenges have deeper individual layers.

If you’re asking yourself whether couples counselling is right for you, it may be helpful to reflect on what’s happening not only between you and your partner, but also within yourself.